McCain-Palin Campaign On Hurricane Gustav Aftermath

ST. PAUL (BS) -- In a Saturday preview of their campaign, Sen. John McCain and his running mate Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin tried to head-off the Democratic presidential ticket with vows to help anyone struck by incoming Hurricane Gustav.

"Our opponents will promise to shovel millions of federal dollars to you, the future victims of Hurricane Gustav," McCain said.

"But I will come down there and shovel debris from your yard," he said.

"And look at Gov. Palin over there. Now there's a woman who can clean a house."

The Palin-cleaning-house comment caused an immediate surge in approval ratings among evangelicals.

-Colin Foote Burch, who fabricated everything above

What Mitt Romney should have said

Here's the speech Mitt Romney should have given regarding his Mormon beliefs:

Good morning, and thanks for coming out today.

I've been encouraged to suggest a comparison between myself and John F. Kennedy, our first Catholic president.

After all, many Americans wondered what it would mean to have a Catholic president, just as many Americans today are concerned about the implications of having me as their first Mormon president.

I am not, however, going to take that approach today.

I'm simply going to point out what happened the last time we elected a born-again Baptist president.

Remember the hostages in Iran?

How about very long lines at the gas pump?

So if you think evangelical beliefs are so important, ask yourself: What was so great about Jimmy Carter?

Excuse me, I'm going to sneeze -- muh... muh... muh... MikeHuckabee!

Pardon me. Please rest assured that I am an American as well as a Mormon, and I will always do what is in the best interests of our nation.

Thank you, and may God bless America.