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New Suburban Glossary: wishwasher

wishwasher n. -- usually a spouse, sometimes a sibling or family member, who sanitizes your wishes or desires with his or her own purposes. Your plans get cleaned up for his or her presentation. For example, he says, "I think I'll go to the movies tonight." Then she says, "What a great idea! We could go to dinner first, and invite my parents!" For another example, "His wishwasher was loaded with the death of her dreams." And yet another example: "Dude, our plan to follow Rush across the Midwest this summer just went through Cindy's wishwasher. Now both of our families are coming along with us, and we're only seeing Rush in St. Louis and Chicago while our wives take the kids to the zoo and the monuments and the giant shopping malls and basically make this trip cost ten times what it was supposed to."

Greatish Hits, Part Two

Red Pill or Blue Pill or new berry-flavored Purple Pill with a patented blend of truth and denial?

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 27, 2014

Tourist? Drunk driver? Brat? What a joy to discover at 1 a.m. -- the neighbor's bin smashed into my mailbox. #MYR http://t.co/0BLKKjwtNQ

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 21, 2014

David Gregory's interview with Iranian foreign minister reveals the "International Community" is merely a group of Special Nations. #mtp

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 13, 2014

If you start a company you forfeit your personal convictions AND you must pay for the opposite, says @thedailybeast: http://t.co/eVugak4KdY

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 2, 2014

Any prescription is a governmental barrier between a woman and her health care. #anarchism #HobbyLobby

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 2, 2014

BLAME CONGRESS! "Congress...included corporations within RFRA’s definition of 'persons.'" - Justice Alito http://t.co/z633OjjWDe #HobbyLobby

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 1, 2014

I tell ya, caring about words and their meanings is a fast track to being politically incorrrect. Damn it.

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) June 30, 2014

Kochs & Waltons now so heinous, journalists granted permission to use ad hominem constructions against super rich. Envy v. Greed, again.

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) June 30, 2014

There's nothing like a grand old house and a perfect lawn. Too bad I'm trespassing. #MYR #ImpromptuHouseSitting http://t.co/doUHOAfQ83

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) June 26, 2014

"A third of African-American males are still prevented from voting because of the War on Drugs." -- Rand Paul @NBCNews #mtp #tlot

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) June 22, 2014

Sometimes people cry "cuts" in funding when a planned increase in funding is stopped and often "preventing" actually means "not paying for."

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 1, 2014

Um, and the news is what exactly? "Sex makes people happiest, per new study" http://t.co/pl4JyuJ76y #paperli #news #sex

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) November 17, 2013

Check out the presentation on this Ketel One on the rocks with lime at Ruth's Chris in #MYR . pic.twitter.com/WQTYwOlV8G

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) April 13, 2013

Demonize any Congressman or Senator who has served three or more terms. They are the reason we're in this mess. #CNN #DC #jackasses

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) February 23, 2013

Merkel for US Congress. She has balls. DC doesn't. RT @Reuters: Hollande may lose euro battle as Merkel holds firm http://t.co/glkMNy8I

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) June 24, 2012

Having dizzy spells: On #CNN, Washington Post's Dan Balz said something I agree with. I might need to go to the ER.

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) April 15, 2012

Greatish Hits

BREAKING: Hobby Lobby won't pay for 2 other Women's Health necessities: food & water. Death looms for female workers at Companies Of Faith.

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 13, 2014

Any prescription is a governmental barrier between a woman and her health care. #anarchism #HobbyLobby

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 2, 2014

Drug cartels helped create our immigration crisis. What helps cartels? Our drug laws & underground market. I won't use but I would legalize.

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 7, 2014

I'd like to celebrate my Independence from warrantless eavesdropping. #July4th #USA

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 4, 2014

Once surveillance technology is in place, legal rulings are just public words against clandestine power. #NSA #surveillance

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 2, 2014

"Reactionary Freudianism" insists utterance A always indicates disposition B. But even Freud wasn't that Freudian. "Sometimes a cigar is..."

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) July 1, 2014

BTW, last night, @NBCNews suggested Amazon treats employees worse than Wal Mart. Now that scews up the suburban liberal narrative!

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) June 30, 2014

The #IRS people are incredibly arrogant at a time when they ought to be groveling & begging for their jobs. @Morning_Joe

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) June 23, 2014

Delete the word "potential" from all future episodes of #RisingStar. Thank you.

— Colin Foote Burch (@cfburch4) June 23, 2014

New Suburban Glossary: Lawngoer

lawngoer: a pet, esp. a dog, who prefers squatting on the neighbors' lawns rather than on the grass between the sidewalk and the curb, or on other essentially public green spaces. E.g., "Son, if you hadn't let your dog become such a lawngoer, his hide wouldn't be full of buckshot."



5 Books to Read Before College

The New Suburban Glossary: Enail

enail: (1) An email message of an especially sharp and direct nature, usually critiquing or denouncing the recipient or recipient's behavior. For example, "When Georgia-Anne saw me eating lunch with Samantha, she sent me the mother of all enails." (2) Any electronic message that stabs, gouges, slashes or scratches. For example, "That wasn't a bad text message, dude. That was a freakin' enail."



5 Books to Read Before College

My brush with near fame

As you can see, I'm in 5th place