One size fits no one

I'm always learning more about my daughters, and the differences require Kristi and I to tailor their circumstances and opportunities to fit each one best. That would sound oppressive if they were older, but we're talking about little girls who are 6, 4 and 17 months old. Obviously we see things in them they cannot yet see in themselves. For example, Kristi is ADHD and dyslexic. Having struggled with, and researched, those two related matters, Kristi was able to identify the tell-tale traits early in the life of our oldest daughter.

This has me thinking about parenthood and education. When I was growing up, the adults in my religious community had a single use the biblical proverb "train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." All that meant was to make sure the child is moral and to sufficiently punish him when he does wrong. However, that proverb means nothing of the sort. It means, "identify the aptitudes, competencies, personality traits and desires of that child, and make sure she gets a good training in them."

Recently I looked at my youngest daughter banging on a piano keyboard, and for the first time in daddyhood, I felt no guilt or shame for having the idea that I would tell her she loves piano and strongly encourage her to take lessons early on. Well, it's me saying that, and I know I would watch closely to see if my child was miserable, and if she was, I wouldn't argue with her about discontinuing the lessons. Still, what's wrong with proactive guidance? Plenty of people at Tiger Woods' age are still trying to "find themselves," while the young pro golfer has enough cash to find whatever he wants, whenever he wants. At some crucial point, in some subtle yet essential way, Woods' dad decided his kid was going to be a golfer, "and that has made all the difference" (apologies to Robert Frost).

If our daughter plays the piano extremely well, and cannot pass science courses in school, what good does it do to drag her through 12 years of compulsory state education with science class after meaningless science class? I can assure you, the world has received no benefit from my time in biology lab, chemistry lab, or botany lab.

In home schooling our oldest daughter, we have overwhelmed ourselves, but we've also monitored her growth very closely. We know her better than we would if she was going to a school building most of the day. We can allow her to take her time with some subjects while forging ahead in other subjects. We can save her from being forced into the stiff, starched shirt of regimented education. That shirt is tailored for averages and curriculums and test scores -- it's not tailored for human beings. One size fits no one. Viva la parents.